30th September, 2008 (6:27 pm)
The Day With the Sadness
I’ve been a bit of a funk lately. Let’s call it bad gunky: it’s not being emo exactly because I’m 32 and, obviously, far too mature to permit myself to wallow around in black clothes and thick eyeliner, tearfully relating to every wallow-y song in my iTunes library. And I’ve had a good couple of weekends - fun nights out with friends, lots of dancing and alcohol, and a wonderful evening with our friends from France who stayed with us last Saturday. But being married is just not remotely fun right now, work is simultaneously getting me down and getting on my tits, and - as my Twitter will attest - I’m having to choke back the urge to just jump into the car and drive until I run out of fuel and never look back. I’m sick of being ill, sick of my girlie bits eating me from the inside out and sick of . . . well, other stuff that involves family that I can’t write about here. I’m starting to get stupid and obsessive about food again - my number one anxiety cue - and that’s never good. It feels like I’m itching all over and just can’t scratch hard enough to make it go away.
We all know that this is not a happy place to be. And we all know that I’m a flake, and I’m stupid, and this will all blow over, possibly following a cake-like treat or a perfect bar of Galaxy. But for now I’m sad, and I don’t like being sad. Although I am by nature stroppy and confrontational and kind of terrifying, I’m not naturally sad. So I don’t like feeling like this at all.
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Comment by Claire — 30 September, 2008 @ 6:38 pm
Although my “sad” comes out in anxiety-related (as opposed to food-related) ways, I can relate to the feeling all the same. Some days the doorbell will ring/people will knock and I’ll just pretend I can’t hear it. Why? Because today? Today, I don’t feel able to answer the door. Today, I wan’t to hide under the covers until I can start over again tomorrow.
(Ever get the slight impression that my meds aren’t currently working? ;) )
If you ever want to talk, you know where I am.
Here’s to the bad gunky passing swiftly.
Comment by starrynite — 30 September, 2008 @ 6:39 pm
Sorry to hear that. Galaxy will definitely help! I think the time of year never helps. As soon as the days start getting darker I start feeling more melancholy.
Hope things start to get easier and feel better asap. If not, I’ll get onto sending Galaxy and Ben & Jerry’s :)xx
Comment by Ashley — 30 September, 2008 @ 8:46 pm
Sorry to hear that you’re feeling sad. :( I understand how that feels… I get depressed and anxious quite a bit (two annoying disorders of mine). I hope it passes soon. *hugs*
Comment by Tanya — 30 September, 2008 @ 10:03 pm
I’m really sorry you’re feeling like crap love. I hope it passes very, very soon. *big hugs*
Comment by Charmarie — 1 October, 2008 @ 7:42 am
Aww honey this makes me sad. I noticed your Twitter and all I could do was give you the virtual hugs. I think we all go through our ups and downs. I know R and I do sometimes things are so bad where I think about just wanting to hide in a hole, I’m sure it will blow over soon. Hang in there, baby :) I’m bi-polar so I’m always on the up and down.
Comment by sharon — 1 October, 2008 @ 11:37 am
Don’t really know what to say, other than *hugs*
Comment by Amelie — 1 October, 2008 @ 2:25 pm
I’m in the same place right now. I thought it had passed - it’s been going on since July - but alas, it seems not. *Sigh*
Comment by Teesee — 1 October, 2008 @ 6:50 pm
One of my favourite quotes, “When life gives you lemons, bring a bottle of gin.”
We can’t be happy all of the time. Just do what you need to do to feel better and remember we all love you. x
Mush. *hug*
Comment by Vixx — 1 October, 2008 @ 8:14 pm
I like that quote, Teesee. :)
Thanks, all. I’m okay - not looking to slash wrists or jump into a train or anything. Ho hum, life sucks, but it sucks worse for others. I just need to get over myself.
You is all awesome though. :)
V xx
Comment by Emz — 1 October, 2008 @ 9:05 pm
:’( Meep. I didn’t like reading this post. Not one ickle bit.
No, not because you shouldn’t say you are sad but because you shouldn’t be sad.
Why shouldn’t you be sad you ask? Because if there is one person I would have to name to be sad-free for eternity well, I’d somehow manage to say ‘everyone’ as ’someone’…
My point is, I don’t want you to be sad. Hearing you saying you’re blue makes my smile disappear and my brain think of ways to turn you back to a fleshy-pink colour.
I wish there was something I could do to help! (Be effin’ better at emailing would be a start Em…)