The Day With Randomness
Added at 6:28pm and filed under Random Thoughts, Weighty Issues, family, travel
Am not dead. Nor in a self-imposed exile. Just phenomenally – ridiculously – busy, and feeling slightly under the weather as a result. The weather is shit. The house looks like shit – I look like shit. I have three days left in work before I kick off two weeks leave and this CANNOT COME A DAY TOO SOON. Simply put? I’m sick and tired of being sick and tired. My eyes constantly burn from screen fatigue. I need a rest.
A week today we fly off for seven nights in Spain. My plans are numerous, but chiefly involve me lying down for this time, whether that’s sunbathing, reading or sleeping (I would include the other thing you (usually) need to be lying down for, but we’ll be sharing a family room with our six year old, folks). I desperately want to take my laptop to enable me to get a bit of writing/work done too, but it’s such a solitary past-time that I suspect M would accidentally throw my Macbook off the balcony – which makes it not worth the risk, obviously. I’ll have to settle for a buttload of paper and electronic books instead (have to admit, I think I’m falling for Apple’s iBooks service). It’s a compromise I’m willing to make, providing, you know, I’m still able to lie down.
Also: am fat again. I’ve, like, completely undone all the hard work of last year. I worked so hard and what do I do? Eat myself back there again. Awesome, Vixx. Way to go. Have some cake to celebrate you FAT DISGUSTING COW.
Comments: (3)
The Day Without the White Knight
Added at 5:54pm and filed under Not impressed, Random Thoughts, family
I’m going to gloss over the last few days. I’d just … argh, I’d had enough. I hate feeling like the only grown-up sometimes – the only parent, the only responsible one. It pisses me off. The whole thing kicked off this massive clusterfuck of an argument and ended up with me feeling like – well, like I can do better. Not that I can do better than M per se (only because I’m pretty sure that I can’t – my husband’s still hot by anyone’s standards and I’m pretty sure that I define the term EMOTIONAL HIGH MAINTENANCE), but more in the sense that I can be better than this. Smilier. Happier. I’m a person who’s used to laughing a lot. Feeling like this – so utterly hemmed in by the humdrum of home and banal suburban hysterics … ugh. It sucks ass.
Anyway, it’s since blown over – which is usually does – but I’m still feeling wary. Weary. I worked til 7pm last night just so’s I didn’t have to come home and fake pleasantries, but today M’s working nights so at least I get my bed – some space – to myself.
Hmm. I just re-read that sentence and realised how melodramatic it sounds so, here, I promise – we’re not looking to Judge Judy or Divorce Court anytime soon. Honest, guv. It’s just that these kind of things often catch me off-guard, winding me with the sudden, slightly sickening realisation that – wait a minute – this is it. This is my life. Forever. It’s makes me want to stamp my foot and scream ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME? I’m 34 now. My life’s practically half over. And I have a (usually) great husband and a beautiful son and a job I love and a wonderful home but I’m still waiting for my white knight. I’m still waiting for someone to fall unbearably in love with me and spirit me away someplace to suck marshmallows out of my bellybutton for the rest of my life and tell me how fucking CRAZY I make him. And I know that’s being greedy as I already have a perfectly lovely husband but, Jesus, we’ve been together for half my life. Half of FOREVER. So you’ll have to forgive me if I can’t be the better person and not feel claustrophobic here. Right now it feels like I’m so hemmed in by the bombproof walls of my own life that I’m going to suffocate on my own screams.
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The Day After my Birthday
Added at 2:07pm and filed under Offline, awesome, bff, family, gaming
My birthday rocked. :)
Despite S’s poorly eyes (he suffers severely with hayfever, and on Thursday and Friday he could barely open his eyes – no exaggeration – so swollen were they) and a clusterfuck of a hangover courtesy of D and a drunken night in the garden the night before, it was an almost flawless day. I was awoken by my boys with breakfast in bed and a pile of gifts, which included a gorgeous new watch, DVDs, CDs and a heap of lovely new books. My sister-in-law got me things to spoil me – a CD, chocolate, wine, some flowers – and my in-laws more Lost boxsets so that I can re-watch rather than endure the shitorific World Cup. My parents are helping me fund a new iPhone (scheduled for release on 24th June), as is one brother. My other brother’s bought me Naughty Bear, which should hit my doormat next week. Sharon and R. also sent me some wonderful gifts, too, which utterly made my day. Yay!
I worked from home in the morning because of Sam being off school, but I took a half day and spent the afternoon lounging around, watching The Inbetweeners and reading for a bit. M cooked dinner (although he always does that) and he and S bought me a cake and enthusiastically, tunelessly, sang happy birthday. In the evening I met with eight friends and we went out locally to celebrate, which meant copious food and wine and no watered down beer or expensive taxi rides home. After that, four of us went back to my friend’s house and we rocked plastic guitars and mics until 2am. Awesome.
It was a low-key day which made it practically perfect. My friends were astonishingly kind and I went home with bags of cards and gifts, humbled by their generosity. I ate too much Italian food, but drank very little Italian wine due, in part, to the colossal hangover that still draped me. We took lots of stupid photos and they put three candles in my ice-cream and they also sang happy birthday. See? Perfect. :)
Oh – and also? That press pass for Gamescom that I was worrying about? It went AWOL in the post, but my replacement arrived in my birthday mail on Friday. Woot!
Oh – and another also? Our new car came in on Thursday! :) It’s lovely and fancy, albeit cripplingly slow for someone who’s gone from a 1.9 turbo diesel engine to a 1.2 petrol thingy with all the ooompfh of an aging lawnmower. Still, I’m sure the problem’s me and not the car and even if it is the car, who gives a shit – I get a new one again in nine months time and even I have the patience for this. In the meantime, I’m driving a shiny new car with 6 miles on the clock and more gizmos than I can shake a stick at. Whatever that means.
Anyway, yesterday we had a quiet one. I was still reeling from three consecutive nights of restricted sleep, so after going to see Iron Man 2 (yes, we’re late but yes, Robert Downey Jnr – who’s appeal I never understood prior to Iron Man – is so far past hot in that movie it’s insane), I crawled upstairs and passed out for four (FOUR!) hours. When I awoke at 9pm, I read some more until finally retiring for the night at 1am.
I finished the book this morning. It was Twilight, my gift from R. I’d stuck it onto my Wishlist because … well, because I’d been wondering what all the fuss was about, to be honest. I’d not read any of the books before, nor seen the movies, but I’d seen enough people squee over it so I figured it was worth a little of my time. And it was. Admittedly, it wasn’t quite as groundshakingly awesome as I think I’d been expecting, but I did enjoy it, even if I thought that Edward was a complete bellcrease for 90% of the book. The brooding male lead? I have NEVER understood the appeal. Honestly. The angry eyes, the snarled mouth, the shouts the mixed messages … blah-blah-blah. I just don’t get the bad boy thing. And whilst that’s all explained very satisfactorily in the book it’s like … Bella. Seriously. Get some self-respect. Why get turned on by such an asshole? Surely you’re worth more than that? Surely the first time he treated you like something he wiped off his dick was the last time you’d give him the time of day? Surely by then you should’ve told him to fuck off and stick his brooding intensity up his arse?
And it’s not just Meyer – it seems there’s a complete dearth of genuinely lovely guys in a whole ton of female contemporary fiction of late. The last half dozen or so books I’ve read have just featured bastards, mean and moody and monobrowed ones. Ugh. Why?!
Anyway. Yeah. My birthday – the whole weekend – has just been lovely. And now I’m going to finish it in style but shoving a family-sized bag of Maltesers in my mouth and play me a bit of Left for Dead 2.
Comments: (5)
The Day with the Crap Day (6)
Let’s see … Son is a thug. Husband is a fucking prick. Boss is … well, a boss. Today has not been a good day.
The Day After my Birthday (5)
My birthday rocked. :) Despite S’s poorly eyes (he suffers severely with hayfever, and on Thursday and Friday he could barely open his eyes – no exaggeration – so swollen were they) and a clusterfuck of a hangover courtesy of D and a drunken night in the garden the night before, it was an almost [...]
The Day With the Craptastic Procrasination (8)
I’ve been rushed off my arse lately. June’s always one of those months when I’m all over the place, attending meetings and conferences across the UK, and this one’s been no exception. I’ve spent the last couple of weeks zig-zagging my way across the country and I’ve become oh-so-familiar with the failings of a takeaway [...]
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