30th September, 2008 (6:27 pm)
The Day With the Sadness (10)
I’ve been a bit of a funk lately. Let’s call it bad gunky: it’s not being emo exactly because I’m 32 and, obviously, far too mature to permit myself to wallow around in black clothes and thick eyeliner, tearfully relating to every wallow-y song in my iTunes library. And I’ve had a good couple of weekends - fun nights out with friends, lots of dancing and alcohol, and a wonderful evening with our friends from France who stayed with us last Saturday. But being married is just not remotely fun right now, work is simultaneously getting me down and getting on my tits, and - as my Twitter will attest - I’m having to choke back the urge to just jump into the car and drive until I run out of fuel and never look back. I’m sick of being ill, sick of my girlie bits eating me from the inside out and sick of . . . well, other stuff that involves family that I can’t write about here. I’m starting to get stupid and obsessive about food again - my number one anxiety cue - and that’s never good. It feels like I’m itching all over and just can’t scratch hard enough to make it go away.
We all know that this is not a happy place to be. And we all know that I’m a flake, and I’m stupid, and this will all blow over, possibly following a cake-like treat or a perfect bar of Galaxy. But for now I’m sad, and I don’t like being sad. Although I am by nature stroppy and confrontational and kind of terrifying, I’m not naturally sad. So I don’t like feeling like this at all.
Comments: (10)
24th August, 2008 (9:20 pm)
The Day With The Wii (8)
I never really understood the whole Wii phenomenon. Yes, it’s cool and all that you can bowl in the living room (we took S bowling this afternoon and paid a ridiculous £22 ($40ish) for the 90 minute privilege - I lost BTW) but, not being funny, the whole reason I play video games is because I don’t want to exert myself. If I wanted to play tennis I’d go play tennis. It’s a personal thing, but when I’m at home I usually want to do at-home things - you know, like shooting the crap out of monsters or playing the guitar solo encore on my sold-out world tour, strings (well, buttons) MELTING from my awesomeness. You know - the usual.
That said, we have now finally bought a Wii. We waited for the hype to settle - and the price to drop a little - but when this month’s pay packet finally brought home an extra grand thanks to months and months and months of back-pay as I waited for my work’s pay dispute to be settled, we finally bowed out and bought one. We’d talked about it maybe being good for S and his hand/eye co-ordination, that it’s probably better for him than watching TV, and that it’ll be something kinda cool that we can all play together, but the truth is we spent £200 on a console simply because I wanted the Fit Board. Yeah, I know - hella lame.
So I fired it up. And it told me that I was a lardarse. Heh - like that’s a shock. I put in an easy-peasy target to kick me off - 7lbs in a month - and yesterday I lost 2lbs. M put on 2lbs - HA HA HA - and I was so smug and superior, laughing and pointing at and scorning him for the rest of the day. I went to bed still giggling, my guts sore from the mirth, and then when I jumped on the board this afternoon, still snickering to myself, turns out I’ve put on 3lbs. WTF?! I’m doing twenty minutes of annoying, cutsey aerobic crap and for what? To GAIN weight? I’m fairly certain that I can accomplish that on my own from the comfort of my sofa’s ass groove.
Don’t start. I know 20 mins is fuck all. And I know that it’s a game, so save your breath. Nonetheless . . . I’m lazy and unconditioned and it’s simply not fair that my body aches THIS MUCH and all for nothing!
Comments: (8)
6th July, 2008 (12:30 pm)
The Day I Was Repeating Myself (6)
Oh the irony. The day after I write about a portable shitbox, I found myself in dire need of one.
It was my usual problem. There’s something so mind-numbingly depressing about that - not to mention boring and repetitive and totally not blogworthy. I myself am so bored about talking/thinking about it that I didn’t even blog about it the last time it happened (talk about being an ostrich - apparently, if I don’t write about it, it didn’t really happen) but the last time I was this ill was the day before Mother’s Day. I had a stitch-like pain in a non-stitch-like place for about six hours that grew worse over time, until by ten that evening I was howling in pain. It ended in my almost passing out and paramedics at my house. Awesome.
This week’s been odd; the pain’s been bad, though I’ve definitely had worse, and started Monday night, eased Tuesday, came back badly Wednesday night and then eased over Thursday. It feels as though something is building up in there, ready to go off or burst or break or something. I know that I was ill - really unwell, in a different league from my usual coughs and sniffs - because I slept the whole of Thursday, racking up over twenty hours sleep out of twenty-four. It’s as though my body decides, fuck this for a game of soldiers and passes out to recover.
It’s all settled down again now though, I’m happy to report. I took Friday off work to recuperate and we’ve had a pretty quiet weekend, apart from yesterday where we ventured out to take S to see the Incredible Hulk (meh - unimpressed). We did a little shopping - where I spent far too much on a GORGEOUS Radley workbag, which I’ve been lusting after for some time - and then spent the evening tucked up in front of the TV. S spent the entire day pacing the house and waiting for the season finale of Dr. Who (also meh), mooching about in his new all-time-bestest costume - a shiny gold dalek. Seriously. It’s the cutest goddamn thing I have ever seen. To prove it, I will add a photo post as soon as I clear my memory card.
Today is a quiet one. I’ve been working on my GG client list (slippage - argh - needed to get back on track) and then this afternoon S and I are going to do a little baking - chocolate chip muffins, me thinks, and a scrummy Apple and Blackberry crumble. The weather’s cold, dark and wet and if that doesn’t call for a little comfort food, I don’t know what does.
To close, my BFF 4EVA gave birth to her second child yesterday, a gorgeous, gorgeous little girl. I’m wracked with jealousy and not insubstantial pain - I would love another child if my insides weren’t twisted and black and broken - but do you know what she and her husband have done? They’ve named her after me! WTF?! Am so, so, so touched!
Comments: (6)
24th May, 2008 (11:31 pm)
The Day Where A Lot Can Happen (7)
A lot can happen in a week.
The only way I can properly update you and not have my fingers fall off due to excessive typing is to default to bulletpoints. Yeah - lazy, isn’t it? But it’s that or completely forget to write this stuff down, so what you going to do about it, eh? NOTHING. That’s what.
- I should be out tonight. As I type this, I should be dancing inappropriately with a man I’m not married to and lining my guts with enough gin to ensure that my body rejects it, heaving and heavy, in the early hours of the morning. I’m doing neither of these things because S beat me to the vomiting; he puked all over his bed last night, following it up with rip-roaring diarrhoea that’s lasted forty-eight hours and counting. Awesome - not least because he was in my bed last night. So at midnight I was giving S an impromptu shower (much to his apparent annoyance) to slough off the vomit and M was changing the sheets and making a moonlight trip to the garage to put the bedding in the washing machine.
- My Japanese exam was shit. As many people do that “omg I suckz at my examz!11″ psyche-out and then pass (annoying, isn’t it?) I’ll save you the uncertainity by assuring you that no, I’m not exaggerating. It was shit - as was I - and I’m gonna fail. I’d care but let’s face it - I can’t do everything I do and expect to do all of it well. Some days I struggle to take a piss I’m so busy, and if some has to give I’d rather it be my silly language hobby, as much as I love it, than lose my job, my child or my mind.
- Work’s been bedlam. Like, crazy. I didn’t see my desk for nine consecutive days and that had nothing to do with leave - I was simply out of the office and in meetings all over the fucking country. I have next week off - see the next bullet - but it’s crap timing and if we haven’t have already booked our flights I would’ve cancelled my leave and try to make a dent in my To Do list I’m that busy. Everytime I think of what I have to do my stomach cramps up with guilt and concern.
Comments: (7)
4th May, 2008 (10:51 pm)
The Day With The Alien Eye (12)
My son has beautiful eyes.
I know that all mothers think this way about our kids. We always think that our offspring have the cutest grin, the softest hair, the bubbliest laugh but . . . really. Just look at him: they’re stunning. They’re a gorgeous hazel/green that I’ve yet to see anyface else, offensively emotive, unabashed and curious, framed with long, dark spiky lashes. I fall in love each and every time I look into them, and the most wonderful part is that, as neither M nor I have brown eyes (you can imagine the rumours) they don’t remind me of anyone other than him - they’re utterly and unequivocally his.
For as long as I can remember though, he’s had intermittent problems with his eyes. I sometimes think that if they weren’t so huge and didn’t take over half his face, he wouldn’t be so prone to infections and irritations. For his Year One school photo - when he was, what, just three? - there’s a definite swelling of his right eye - nothing hideous, but enough for a mummy to notice - and twelve months later, it’s the same story for his Year Two one, too. We go through Brolene eye drops like . . . well, something hard to exhaust, and I think a week rarely goes by without me needing to rugby tackle him to the ground to administer them.
But recently? Recently S has A Very Sore Eye.
(more…)
Comments: (12)
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