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15 Feb 10
Comments (7)

The Day I Lost My Words

Added at 6:00am and filed under Not impressed, writing

I’ve lost my notebook.

It’s not lost lost. It’s in the house. (Um, I think). I distinctly recall taking it out of my handbag whilst going . . . well, somewhere, someplace where I obviously didn’t want to chance dropping/losing/misplacing my words. Only now the safe place I stored my notebook might as well have been inside a fucking BEAR TRAP for all the good it’s done me. There’s nothing safe about being COMPLETELY AND UTTERLY MISSING.

Neither strictly a diary nor a note depository, my moleskine kind of spanned the two, a no-man’s land for thoughts and ideas about my novels, including a list of possible titles, notes about my characters – birthdays, parents’ names, education, distinctive characteristics etc. – and nonsensical free-writing. It’s 50+ pages of my tight, loopy handwriting and the surreal outpouring of the more fantastical contents of my head. It is not good that it’s been mislaid.

What bothers me most is that it was a gift from Claire, uber-BFF and rootin’, tootin’ advocate of Vikki Blake, my literary alter-ego. It probably wasn’t her intention, but this notebook? It was one of the best gifts I’ve ever had, for – intentional or not – it symbolised her belief. Her faith.

I repeat: it is not good that it’s been mislaid. Sob.

V xx

5 Jan 10
Comments (12)

The Day About Letting Go

Added at 6:58am and filed under Not impressed, bff

I thought you were all great. I thought we were all friends.

I feel stupid. Again. And desperately, humiliatingly hurt. But at least I know who you really are now – albeit three years too late.

V xx

14 Jun 09
Comments (9)

The Day I Was Living With An Asshat

Added at 5:35pm and filed under Not impressed, health

My husband is such a fucking cock sometimes.

I’m sat up here in our bedroom because I don’t want to be anywhere near him right now. I know that’s not the healthiest way to deal with an argument but let’s face it, I’m not healthy, so I’m hardly going to start conforming now. Besides: sitting up here gives me time to fester on our row and enable me to think up cutting, seething one-liners five hours after the event. That’ll learn him.

At this point my post should come with some kind of awesome story illustrating why my husband is a cock but you know what? It doesn’t matter. It doesn’t matter because it doesn’t matter to him and that, dear reader, is the whole fucking problem. If it’s not important to him ergo it apparently doesn’t matter to anyone of us.

UH NO – WRONG. YOU ARROGANT ASSHAT, YOU.

So rather than spending my last day of freedom before my operation out in the 3D world, having lunch, doing a bit of window shopping and maybe even picking up the odd birthday present for me, we’ve spent the last five hours studiously avoiding each other and stomping around the house. And instead of letting me get something nice that I wanted for my birthday, I’ll now get shit I don’t want from Amazon, with whatever he doesn’t buy from there he’ll pick up ON OFFER from fucking Tescos. And while Amazon and Tescos are perfectly fine places to get somethings, they’re not ideal for finding gifts for your partner of FIFTEEN YEARS WHEN SHE GOES INTO FUCKING HOSPITAL FOR THE SECOND TIME IN SIX MONTHS PROMPTLY RUINING EVERY BIRTHDAY PLAN SHE HAD THIS YEAR.

And yes, I’m aware that this makes me sound like an ungrateful, selfish cow. But you’ll have to forgive me if I come across that way considering I’m upset and scared and worried about this stupid surgery and feeling as though I could utterly do without him on top of already having my birthday cancelled this year thanks to an unidentifiable growth in my fucking nostril.

I repeat: he’s a cock.

V xx

4 Jan 10

The Day with Girl Gamers Suck (6)

Introducing my latest project – girlgamerssuck.com.
You know me. I like games. I often don’t have time to play as much as I would like – and when I do play, I’m often kinda crap – but I’ve grown up with gaming and I love it. It’s part of my childhood, part of my life and [...]

3 Jan 10

The Day I was Ill. Again (2)

Ugh. I’m ill again.
I think I recall crowing last year that I managed to miss most of the flu/coldy things floating about. My Fate God heard me, laughed outrageously, and has been making me pay ever since. Bastard. It feels like I’ve spent the last three months coughing and spluttering. I wouldn’t mind, but the [...]

21 Dec 09