25th November, 2007 (7:29 pm)

Note to Self #23 (5)

Notice that your sciatica’s come back? And your skin is getting dry? And that you can’t focus properly after only a couple of drinks? That’s nature’s way of telling you to SLOW THE FUCK DOWN, you silly mare. You are too old for this hectic a social life; now act your age and have an early night.

Comments: (5)

12th October, 2007 (8:12 am)

Note to Self #22 (5)

All of our six-year-old wedding gifts are now either cracked, missing or broken.

I need to get married again.

Comments: (5)

11th September, 2007 (6:00 pm)

Note to Self #21 (6)

Super Noodles do not constitute a balanced, healthy meal. End of.

Comments: (6)

29th August, 2007 (4:22 pm)

Note to Self #20 (7)

Don’t EVER again leave it until the week before school starts to go ’school shoe’ shopping.

It was unadultered carnage - sitting in Clarks made the first twenty minutes of Saving Private Ryan look like a fucking tea party. There were women there who’d step over numerous corpses of children (presumably shoeless) in order to get served.

When my number finally came up on the “Next Serving” screen and I hollered “Me! It’s ME!”, a neighbouring mother glared at me and my life flashed before my eyes. I wondered how M would take it, receiving the phone call that would inform him that his wife had been beaten to death with a black patent leather sandal.

Comments: (7)

17th July, 2007 (7:40 am)

Note to Self #18 (3)

Do not watch Thomas the Tank Engine or SpongeBob Squarepants with S at breakfast unless you’re prepared for the funny looks from people as you hum the theme tunes to yourself on the train.

Comments: (3)

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