29th December, 2008 (9:53 pm)
The Day With The MADNESS (9)
Am starting to think that it may just be easier to buy a gun and KILL MYSELF than keep up this pathetic pretense that some day, maybe, I'll complete the fucking thing. And trust me, that's saying something: guns are not easy to come by around these parts.
Comments: (9)
28th August, 2008 (8:23 am)
The Day With the Wii Mii Weee (6)
In 24 hours I’ve put on three pounds (wtf?) but dropped my Wii Fit age from 32 (my actual age) to 29?
I think my board’s blind. Not to mention batshit crazy.
Comments: (6)
24th August, 2008 (9:20 pm)
The Day With The Wii (8)
I never really understood the whole Wii phenomenon. Yes, it’s cool and all that you can bowl in the living room (we took S bowling this afternoon and paid a ridiculous £22 ($40ish) for the 90 minute privilege - I lost BTW) but, not being funny, the whole reason I play video games is because I don’t want to exert myself. If I wanted to play tennis I’d go play tennis. It’s a personal thing, but when I’m at home I usually want to do at-home things - you know, like shooting the crap out of monsters or playing the guitar solo encore on my sold-out world tour, strings (well, buttons) MELTING from my awesomeness. You know - the usual.
That said, we have now finally bought a Wii. We waited for the hype to settle - and the price to drop a little - but when this month’s pay packet finally brought home an extra grand thanks to months and months and months of back-pay as I waited for my work’s pay dispute to be settled, we finally bowed out and bought one. We’d talked about it maybe being good for S and his hand/eye co-ordination, that it’s probably better for him than watching TV, and that it’ll be something kinda cool that we can all play together, but the truth is we spent £200 on a console simply because I wanted the Fit Board. Yeah, I know - hella lame.
So I fired it up. And it told me that I was a lardarse. Heh - like that’s a shock. I put in an easy-peasy target to kick me off - 7lbs in a month - and yesterday I lost 2lbs. M put on 2lbs - HA HA HA - and I was so smug and superior, laughing and pointing at and scorning him for the rest of the day. I went to bed still giggling, my guts sore from the mirth, and then when I jumped on the board this afternoon, still snickering to myself, turns out I’ve put on 3lbs. WTF?! I’m doing twenty minutes of annoying, cutsey aerobic crap and for what? To GAIN weight? I’m fairly certain that I can accomplish that on my own from the comfort of my sofa’s ass groove.
Don’t start. I know 20 mins is fuck all. And I know that it’s a game, so save your breath. Nonetheless . . . I’m lazy and unconditioned and it’s simply not fair that my body aches THIS MUCH and all for nothing!
Comments: (8)
24th May, 2008 (11:31 pm)
The Day Where A Lot Can Happen (7)
A lot can happen in a week.
The only way I can properly update you and not have my fingers fall off due to excessive typing is to default to bulletpoints. Yeah - lazy, isn’t it? But it’s that or completely forget to write this stuff down, so what you going to do about it, eh? NOTHING. That’s what.
- I should be out tonight. As I type this, I should be dancing inappropriately with a man I’m not married to and lining my guts with enough gin to ensure that my body rejects it, heaving and heavy, in the early hours of the morning. I’m doing neither of these things because S beat me to the vomiting; he puked all over his bed last night, following it up with rip-roaring diarrhoea that’s lasted forty-eight hours and counting. Awesome - not least because he was in my bed last night. So at midnight I was giving S an impromptu shower (much to his apparent annoyance) to slough off the vomit and M was changing the sheets and making a moonlight trip to the garage to put the bedding in the washing machine.
- My Japanese exam was shit. As many people do that “omg I suckz at my examz!11″ psyche-out and then pass (annoying, isn’t it?) I’ll save you the uncertainity by assuring you that no, I’m not exaggerating. It was shit - as was I - and I’m gonna fail. I’d care but let’s face it - I can’t do everything I do and expect to do all of it well. Some days I struggle to take a piss I’m so busy, and if some has to give I’d rather it be my silly language hobby, as much as I love it, than lose my job, my child or my mind.
- Work’s been bedlam. Like, crazy. I didn’t see my desk for nine consecutive days and that had nothing to do with leave - I was simply out of the office and in meetings all over the fucking country. I have next week off - see the next bullet - but it’s crap timing and if we haven’t have already booked our flights I would’ve cancelled my leave and try to make a dent in my To Do list I’m that busy. Everytime I think of what I have to do my stomach cramps up with guilt and concern.
Comments: (7)
29th September, 2007 (6:04 pm)
The Day With The Terrific Cleavage (3)
I’ve lost almost four pounds in a couple of weeks. Not great, but not bad, particularly as it’s the first time in about seven hundred years that I’ve lost weight in two consecutive weeks … and if you factor in pizza and a Chinese takeaway too.
I have to be so careful when I attempt to lose weight. I get so hung up on it and ever-so-slightly obsessive, so I almost have to trick myself into thinking, well, you’re not really going to lose weight - it’s just - air quote - healthy eating. Then I can be good without sliding into an irreversible eating disorder that claims what little sanity I have left. As it is, it’s a tricky balance to strike - and a pretty good reason to stay curveous (re: fat), let’s face it. Plus I’ve finally reached that point in my life where I don’t care what the scales say. REALLY. It was like a light went off in my head, making me realise that, really, it didn’t make any fucking difference to ANYTHING else in my life. I’m cute, I’m funny, I don’t crack mirrors, I have a terrific cleavage and despite the extra padding, I’ve managed to land myself a smokin’ hottie of a husband with whom I’ve made the most delicious child on the face of the planet. Really, does my trouser size impact on any of that? All I want to be is healthy and as I don’t particularly want to lose loads - just a little to tone up the wobbly bits - all I really need to do is pick up the pace by changing my my-sofa-has-an-ass-groove lifestyle. It’s pretty achievable. Ish.
Anyway, the interesting - and highly amusing - thing, is that I’ve convinced (HA!) M to play Badminton with me. It was getting harder and harder to squeeze in games in and/or around work, and with competing work schedules, the gaps between games were getting longer and longer. I’ve always thought that Badminton was the nerdy relation of tennis - you know, that cousin that turns up in his braces and turn-ups just as Tennis is flexing his muscles and showboating in front of the blonde cheerleader with the huge rack - and I was soooooooo unimpressed when the girls in work said they played (they lost their cool points there and then). I joined in with pained reluctance when someone didn’t turn up for doubles and - bang - what do you know? Vixx has just discovered the first competitive sport she’s ever shown the slightest bit of interest in playing. Weird.
So after some careful, considerate and well-timed badgering, I finally wore M down. We’re now playing for an hour once or twice a week and whilst that’s not marathonesque, it’s hard fucking work. My arm hurts like shit the following day as, thankfully, I have that desperate, slightly fightening need to win these crap unprofessional badminton matches as I do with everything else in my life. We don’t play nicely, M and I. In fact, we hammer shit out of the shuttlecock with the express intention of blinding our spouse. It’s probably not all that healthy for the marriage . . . but hey, it’s good news for the blubber.
Comments: (3)
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