30th April, 2008 (8:52 pm)
The Bit About The Non-Exorcism (3)
I sat tonight for two hours straight beside a vicar who did not - at any point in the proceedings - turn to me and attempt to cast out a demon from my soul.
There was one slightly worrying moment when I thought he was trying to anoit me with holy water on the sly, but it turns out he simply didn’t cover his mouth when he sneezed.
Apparently, my wickedness is still carefully disguised and robust enough to withstand prolonged periods of contact with men of the cloth. I think that deserves a congratulatory beer, don’t you?
Comments: (3)
27th April, 2008 (11:38 am)
The Bit With The Excerpt (27)
An excerpt of my novel - still currently untitled - is now available for download. So if you’ve always wondered what the fuss was about - and if, indeed, it’s worth the fuss at all - I urge you to download it. In return all I ask for is your gut reaction to it; either here in the comments or via my contact form if you’d rather do it more privately.
A password is required to access the downloads page. This isn’t because I’m a douche, but just because I’d like to know who’s accessing it. I don’t care if I don’t know you or you’ve never contacted me before in your life, or even if we know each other in ‘real life’; providing you’ve never threatened the life of me or my child, you’re welcome to read - positively encouraged, in fact. Just comment to request it. :)
Comments: (27)
24th April, 2008 (9:52 am)
The Day With The Imagination Killer (4)
A month or two ago we converted our spare third bedroom into a Playroom. The name makes it sound far grander than it actually is - it’s a room just a shade larger than a postage stamp that’s crammed with all of S’s plentiful toys and games - but it means that I can essentially keep my lounge clear of strewn Ben 10 and Spiderman figures and forty-five thousand toy cars. We all know that I’m a ball-busting, career-orientated, non-breast-feeding, selfish non-SAHM, so it should come as no surprise to you that I fucking hate it when my house looks like the aftermath of a Mattel factory explosion. By eight o’clock each evening, S knows that he’s to clear away his toys to make my lounge habitable long enough for M and I to mess it up ourselves.
It’s stuff like this that makes me wonder why kind of parent I am. I don’t think either of us are strict but we are particular, and I’m determined to bring up a likable child. Sometimes I think that that means I often expect too much of this little human - that my expectations are too high. But . . . surely it’s never too early to teach your kids good manners? To instill the values you want them to grow up with? I hate kids that whinge and fuss and whine, and it’s important to me that he’s polite and kind and thoughtful. Consequently, we have a handful of house rules that essentially revolve around those values - sharing, thinking of other people’s feeling, consequences etc. - and none of those can be achieved on a 24/7 diet of the Cartoon Network, Jetix and Nickleodeon.
I like TV. TV is good. M and I watch A LOT and there’s no denying that it’s an EXCELLENT babysitter when there’s stuff to be done. That said, we do monitor what he watches, how much he watches and where he watches it. I believe passionately and irrevocably that children (read: pre-teen) should not have televisions or computers in their bedrooms, and that films should - generally - be watched as a family in order to stimulate discussion and debate. I know - sounds fucking lame, doesn’t it? - but I really believe that. For instance; the other weekend I bought him the Transformers film. It’s not a kids film - not by a long shot - but we watched it together, snuggled on the couch, and S asked questions about space and planets and aliens - even war, for Christ’s sake - and we had several great discussions off of the back of it. If S takes away nothing else from his childhood, I want him to always ask questions; ask the who, whys and wheres. There’s nothing more amazing that a natural, healthy curiosity. And that can only come from an upbringing that nurtures that, along with structure and variety and lots and lots of encouragement.
So when we’re home - as we are today (there’s a nationwide teachers’ strike) - we try to adhere to a daily schedule. In fairness, we’re not too hot on this - things happen, plans deviate - but the thinking behind it is that I don’t want him spending fourteen hours a day glued in front of the TV. It changes daily depending upon what we have to do, but we usually do stuff in half hour blocks - some TV time, then playtime upstairs, reading, computer time - and, today, a trip to a REAL LIFE police station as he thinks they’re superheroes (bless) - in order to keep him stimulate and entertained.
But lately? It’s all about the computer. ALL. THE. TIME. I didn’t used to mind him visiting the CBeebies website as there’s some lovely stories on it, it’s age specific, and I think using the computer is fab for developing his fine motor skills and hand/eye co-ordination. But now it’s all about Ben 10 site - which offers a big fat zero in terms of educational content. All he does is listen to the fucking theme music OVER AND OVER AGAIN and stare at the pictures. There’s very little interactivity for a four year old.
Which means the computer has become simply a TV substitute, merely another mindless screen for him to stare at.
Sigh. You can’t win.
Comments: (4)
22nd April, 2008 (12:24 am)
The Bit About the Green-Eyed Monster (11)
Just before going off to bed (as I type this, I’m in a dark room with no TV I was that ready to go up) I found myself at the Web Designer Rockstar Chart. I now want to hurl my pathetic, talentless carcass off of a very tall building.
There’s a company in that chart that was setup by a girl I went to University with. I always fucking hated her - her and her gorgeous cropped hair, porcelain skin and perfect fucking teeth. Now I know why. Bitch.
Comments: (11)
21st April, 2008 (7:30 am)
The Bit About Being a Hero (8)
I beat Lou in Guitar Hero! On medium! It took me fucking AGES! I have five stars on all easy tracks and all but six medium tracks! I suck on the hard level though! My cough medicine has made me kind of hyper! Exclamation mark overload!
Comments: (8)
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